A list of things to get ready and I mean get ready. You may not think of some of the things you will need and, I can tell you I wish I knew more as I did the best I could and I wish I had a better plan.
So here are a few thing to think of
But most important is Please keep your list in a safe place away from your abuser, also learn on who you can trust the best is someone at work, or even a family member if you have one.
You can even think of a bank not one with your abuser is using. Abusers use finances as a way to gain and maintain power and control over their partner.
The List
1. Cell Phone get a pay as you go cell phone program the police on it and then a friend you can trust. Put on vibrate so he cannot hear it have it on you, put in your bra or in your pants. So he cannot see it or hear it. Charge it when he is out. ( this is what I did and trust me I am glad I did more n my book on the story) if you cannot buy a phone asked someone if you can buy you one a cheap one will work as you need is to call for help.
2. Cash, documents, phone numbers Do not destroy any important evidence birth certificate, driver's license, passport, etc. Keep key financial documents such as bank account information and insurance policies with a trusted family member or friend, or obtain a bank safety deposit box.
So here are a few thing to think of
But most important is Please keep your list in a safe place away from your abuser, also learn on who you can trust the best is someone at work, or even a family member if you have one.
You can even think of a bank not one with your abuser is using. Abusers use finances as a way to gain and maintain power and control over their partner.
The List
1. Cell Phone get a pay as you go cell phone program the police on it and then a friend you can trust. Put on vibrate so he cannot hear it have it on you, put in your bra or in your pants. So he cannot see it or hear it. Charge it when he is out. ( this is what I did and trust me I am glad I did more n my book on the story) if you cannot buy a phone asked someone if you can buy you one a cheap one will work as you need is to call for help.
2. Cash, documents, phone numbers Do not destroy any important evidence birth certificate, driver's license, passport, etc. Keep key financial documents such as bank account information and insurance policies with a trusted family member or friend, or obtain a bank safety deposit box.
Also, set up a P.O. Box to conceal all of your important mail from your abuser. Change your ATM and debit card PIN codes, as well as your online banking and email passwords. It is particularly important to close any joint banking or credit card accounts before you leave, also make sure you take out funds to cover what you will need ( I believe what is far is half ( make sure you do this the day before you ready to leave) Also on a joint account both parties are responsible and you need to be in the clear of that for later.
Make sure you have your Social Security card with your items if you don’t have one then contact the Social Security Administration if you need to obtain a new Social Security number (this also for your kids if they have one and you need this Begin with estimating your income and expenses to see if the money you earn right now will allow you to meet your basic needs.
Life Insurance: Unfortunately, if a life insurance policy on your own life is payable to the abuser, and you do not own the policy, you cannot change the beneficiary. However, if you do own the policy, you have the right to change the beneficiary, and probably should. If you have children or other dependents who would be affected financially by your death, it is important to get your own life insurance as soon as possible. Opting for term life insurance, which provides protection for a specific period of time, typically offers the greatest amount of coverage for the lowest initial premium cost and can make buying enough coverage affordable
3. The Little things like keys Car keys have a set hidden somewhere in the house or outside where he would never look.
4. Keep a log and paperwork and photos of the abuse and if you can record it that can help ( I had to prove that my ex-was abusing me so I kept a small recorder in my bra when got drunk he did not believe me on what he doing and I said to him I will record you and I let him hear what he did. And he said he would change but no that was a lie. and He knew what he was doing)
5. Insurance paperwork Car insurance papers car title Home insurance policies or rental make copies if you can and place in a binder or in a large envelope ( this will go to the safe place friend or hide or bank safety box)
6. Get a Lawyer One that can help with your matter and one that he does not know and tell him or her what your planning and get one that will hear you. If you cannot get a lawyer because of fund call your local women's abuse center they can tell you where to go or better yet call the district attorney office
Often be the most dangerous time for you and your children. Take some time out to make a mental map of your house. Think of a plan to escape look around the home for a way out like the nearest door or window
It is hard with a child so you need to make a plan for this try to set a plan when you know when you might leave have a friend baby set the kids ( they know your leaving but the kids don’t and the abuser will not think of this) Plan it right but be calm and make a comment that you have to run to the store to get something but go light take the keys and wallet so it looks like your coming back .
Now you can leave and you have in place your items that you packed at friends or a place only you know.
If he wants to go with you okay let him go remember, the extra spare keys will he won't know you have them so when in the store or restaurant just step away for the bathroom or whatever you can think of and don’t rush, walk normal get in the car and go call you friend who has the kids.
Tell your friend where to meet you so when he looks at her home they are not there. So if you could get a family member or friend let you borrow a car you go to the place the car is and leave his car. And you get you and the kids out of there.
Now take a big breath think to relax you have just started your freedom. don’t rush just drive to your safe place and don’t feel scared you kidnap the kids, as they are you their mommy so this is not kidnapping.
Make sure you feed yourself and with kids feed them relax do not show fear to them you may cry just tell them your okay mommy just happy. They need to see that your strong and guess what you are baby you are. Once you get to the point on where you are safe and get some sleep you will need it. Call your lawyer tell her what you did ( if your lawyer is good he or she will know why you did it and will fight for you ) All that you do is saving yourself and your kids because you are the best mommy.
Just a note, I am giving you a big hug and I am proud of you for making the first step to your freedom. And please know you are stronger than you know. Ve brave and follow the life you and your kids deserve.
All the best from
Monique Layzell
